I am in this limbo, this feeling of;
Am I making a mistake…? Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I have tried harder? Should I have waited longer? Should I have never gotten the papers to begin with…?
I keep going through these little spurts where I want to be his wife.
I want to be the one that he wakes up to.
I want to be the one that he tells he loves, the mother to his children.
I want him to love me the way he was supposed to.
And he wants those things; or at least he says he does.
He wants to come home.
Honestly…I cannot do it. I can’t bring myself to put myself in that situation again. I do not want to deal with all the, everything. I hate going to sleep on my own. I hate waking up on my own. But really, I just do not know.
I feel like I have nothing of substance to write about…my whole life is yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. I want him, but I don’t. I don’t want to be alone, but I do. I feel like this blog is so much different than my other.
I am waiting to file. I am waiting because I still love him. I am waiting because he still loves me. I am waiting because I know that I still want to be with him.
I cannot say anything Shelby.. but all i can tell you is that it is time to go away from all this mess... you need to give time for yourself and be alone... only then you will be able to come up with something... something that will help you sort things out... take a well deserved break dear... time is all you need.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Ratz said. It may be the hardest thing you go through right now in life, but you have to put yourself first. No one deserves to be degraded and talked to like he does to you. Take last weekend for instance,
ReplyDelete"I was off of work all day, I went down to tell Justin that I wanted a divorce, Where he told me that he wanted to work things out, and move home, that He was making a mistake, and didn’t want to lose me. And then he invited me To the casino for his mom’s birthday on Saturday. Had a BBQ at Seth’s house.
Saturday
Went to the casino, won $250 dollars, hung out with J, went swimming, Kinda got treated like crap from Justin, just kept getting treated like crap by Justin. Left crying. But under the impression we were good.
Sunday
Thought Justin and I were good, asked him to hang out when he got back, he told me I was annoying, and that he didn’t want to see me or talk to me until he got home on Wednesday from deer camp. I took the dogs swimming, and ended up out at Seth’s for a bbq."
If you read your words, anyone can see how hurt you are by him. He is like hot and cold. Nice one minute and rude the next. You deserve a man who will put you first. Put you up on his pedestal and do anything and everything to make you happy! Everyone has doubts. It's human nature. If you end up divorcing Justin and then realize you have made a mistake later on... you can always marry him again!